11 Things All Dads Wish Their Kids Knew Before They Grow Up - Life Lessons Every Kid Should Learn (with book selection)
Fathers love their kids, and this love is often expressed in the form of advice. The following are some pieces of advice that many dads wish their kids knew before they grow up.
I collected this tips asking deeply to myself, in the first place, and then asking every father I know. The most helpful tips came from grandfathers, who are fathers to the power of 2.
1. Just try to be the best person you can be, and then forgive yourself when you fail. permalink
Life is full of ups and downs. This means that no matter what you're going through right now, no matter how terrible your situation is, there's always a way to be your best self. It's up to you to figure out what that is and go about it in a way where you're constantly trying to improve yourself. When you face a bad situation or a stressful moment, thinking about the best version of yourself will help you in many ways, because you'll act like a superhero would act in that situation, not the way you usually are. You'll always be thinking about doing your best, even though it's unlikely for you to always do your best every single time.
At the same time, many people find it very difficult to forgive themselves when they fail at something. Typically this is due to the fear of losing or being mocked by others in some way or another for doing something wrong. Because of this, many people are less likely to try new things if they are not confident in themselves.
One way to deal with the fear that causes this is through self-compassion. This can be achieved by providing yourself with compassion when you make mistakes, rather than holding onto the shame that comes along with making a mistake. Forgiving yourself also provides a sense of relief and helps you move on from the mistake without feeling regretful about it's outcome.
Science shows that people who can forgive themselves for their errors are more likely to accomplish original things and to get unstuck in difficult times. They also enjoy more the journey and the experimentation while not being 100% focused on the outcome. This is one of the best advice I can give to my kids.
Like a said in another post, you'll grow smarter kids , if you show them how to embrace mistakes "embrace mistakes") .
Suggested readings: permalink
Classic book from Dale Carnagie. Less popular than "How to Win Friends and Influence People" but worth a read.
Tony Robbins is a legend in the self help category. With his great charisma and attitude he has the ability to motivate and empower anyone.
2. Keep your promises and be honest permalink
Do what you say you will do. Never make excuses. Stop making excuses for why you couldn't do something, or why you weren’t able to accomplish something. If you make a promise, make sure you are going to stick to it. Don’t give excuses about why you couldn’t make it. Don’t put things off for later; do them now. Being reliable and trustworthy is so important, and making excuses makes your will power weaker, no matter what the excuse is. Honesty, on the same level is important because your destiny is in your hands.
3. Respect nature and its gifts permalink
Nature is all around you, so don't forget that you're a part of it. Appreciate that these things are part of your life too. Give nature a little extra attention whenever you can, and talk about it with your kids.
4. Be grateful permalink
Be grateful everyday for what you have, even if it’s simple. Never take the little things for granted, because when you’re older, you’ll realize how important they were to you.
Happiness is in the small things. Big wins produce a short lasting happiness due to the phenomenon known as Hedonic Adaptation, which is the tendency of humanity to quickly go back to our normal, stable level of happiness, even after big recent positive or negative life events. So for example, as we make more money, our expectations and desires rise too. This then results in no permanent gain in happiness.
But being grateful for small victories will create a feeling of being successful that will last longer.
Research showed the benefits of gratitude, and more and more authors, bloggers and youtubers have now started a trend. But the practice of gratitude can really be transformational, if consistent.
References:
Suggested readings: permalink
More difficult to read but for a reason: in depht scientific research about gratitude by Ph.D. Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough.
This is the divulgative version of the book above, by Robert Emmons.
5. Kindness pays off in the long run permalink
Don’t be mean to people or animals; even if you don’t like them.
Be nice and kind to everyone, even those who are not nice or kind in return. You will have so much benefit from this, maybe later in your life. You may not believe in Karma, but there is some kind of positive energy that accumulates in you by being kind.
Do you remember the famous Aesop's fable, "The Lion and The Mouse" ? An act of kindness to someone now, can pay a lot in the future, who knows.
Suggested readings: permalink
5. Don't give up on your dreams, even in the face of adversity. permalink
Consistency is the real superpower. Never give up and be antifragile. Learn from mistakes and get up again when you are knocked down.
If we can be consistent in our actions, then success will follow. We must decide what success looks like and then "just do it". Consistency is key. It’s easy to say that you will do something, but it’s not so easy to actually do it. To make sure you reach your goal, you have to be consistent in what you are doing and remind yourself why you want to achieve the goal that you set out for yourself. Think about your goal every day.
Thanks to the power of the compounding effect, little by little you will go very far, in exponential increments!
6. Don't be a follower, always be a leader permalink
It’s OK for you to feel different from the other kids around you, no one else is exactly like you. No one else can be you because everyone has their own unique story, perspective and struggle that make them who they are to others and to themselves. It's Ok to be you.
Don't waste your time waiting for someone else to make a change or do something first. You are responsible for your own happiness and life. Don't rely on others to do that for you. Teach your kids to take control of their life and to stop putting in the work when it's not worth. Diy also. If you're not happy with your life, don't stay still, but rather move towards something that excites and engages you. Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
7. Learn to let go permalink
It's okay to let go of something that doesn't work out. Everyone has to learn that sometimes the thing you want most is not the right thing for you. Sometimes, what we want may not actually be good for us. It can be challenging to learn it too late in life because people are usually stuck with a certain perspective. So the earlier that we learn this lesson, the better.
It’s more about your attitude towards things than the thing itself. Everyone wants to see good results in life because everyone has their own different dream and objective, but even if you don't achieve those goals sometimes, it doesn't mean that you failed at the process or at your life. You’ve just learned a lesson from it—and you can apply this lesson to help you achieve another goal in your future instead. Also avoid negative people, they can have a bad influence over you, so just move on.
8. Money is not all permalink
When you get older you will look back and realize what really matters in life, money is not it. There are certain things that money can't buy and the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. Give it freely and lovingly. Time spent with family, friends and loved ones. Time spent doing things you've always wanted to do but never dreamed possible.
Even if money and higher incomes are in general associated with higher experienced well being and life satisfaction ( see PNAS Experienced well-being rises with income ), money won't give you happiness. Due to Hedonic adaptation, stuff will soon lose its initial impact on you. In the long run, people who have money and plenty of average experiences will be no happier than those who are poor but had many good experiences.
9. Your Family will help you permalink
Keep your siblings close and don't fight with them. Your family is the first place in your life where you can find help. When you need it, you can always go to your family and they will always be there for you.
10. Don't sweat the small stuff. It's no big deal. permalink
Don't try to over-optimize things because sometime you waste a lot of energy on useless tweaks and lose the big picture. Don't worry about things you can't control. The things you can influence should be your major concern.
Don't be afraid to take risks. Don't torture yourself with guilt. You're allowed to make mistakes as long as you learn from them and improve for next time. Don't waste time worrying about what other people are doing. Who cares? Stay focused on what you're doing and let them do what they want to do, regardless of how it might affect you or your work.
It's OK to quit something that doesn't make sense. Learn when to quit. When Is It Time to Quit Something | by Ankurman Shrestha | Thrive Global | Medium
Suggested reading: permalink
After almost two decades since the original release of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, Richard Carlson's insights on the meaning of life continue to be timeless. The book teaches us to focus on the 'now' and find balance by living through contentment. ― Deepak Chopra
11. Smile more permalink
Don't get angry for the small things. When you think how precious life is, you will start to see things differently. Don't take things so seriously. Consider LIFE seriously.
A smile can open closed doors. You will feel better, live longer, make others feel better, have more friends, be less stressed... and so on and on and on. Smiling is SO powerful.
Conclusion permalink
There are countless life lessons that a child should know before they grow up. This post focuses on the importance of staying positive, being aware of your surroundings and learning how to be happy with what you have.
The list is definitely not exhaustive and it's up to you to decide what you think are the most important things for your child.